I was in Trelew, a city on Argentina’s east coast and a bizarre experience with a truck driver had left me in two minds about hitching west across the country to the Chilean border.

To be fair, I’d been scared for multiple reasons about crossing into the so-called ‘no man’s land’ where ‘cars wouldn’t pass for three days at a time’ ever since my initial attempt to hitch up the Chilean-Argentine frontier had backfired due to a lack of rides.

I’d had to backtrack over the hard fought miles and icy cold days I’d spent on the side of the road back down to Rio Gallegos in the South East corner, before starting my northern journey afresh on that coastline. My Spanish really wasn’t that crash-hot and conversations on this leg had dried up about an hour into each of my rides, which begs the question of any hopeful hitcher

Are we the entertainer here, or the entertained?

Common courtesy dictates that as hitcher, you keep your driver happy (and preferably awake) by talking with them through the long hours of their journeys. I, on the other hand, had failed to get past the niceties and often found myself in lengthy and confusing silences.

My conversations with the mentioned truck driver will do nicely as an example.

Pulling myself up into the cab after throwing my backpack among the many tonnes of blue-branded beer, I began:

“Hola! Gracias por coger me, amigo! ¿Como estás?” Thank you for f@#king me mister, and how are you?”

“Er, bien gracias pero soy casado” Good thanks but I’m married

“Oh! Que bien,  ¿hace cuanto tiempo estas cansado?” Oh awesome, how long have you been tired for?

“Uhh ya unos momentos, vamos!” Umm a few moments now, let’s get going aye!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Driver: “¿Tienes hambre?” You hungry?

“Pues sì, tengo hombre” Yes actually, I have a guy

“¿Oh sí? ¿Tú papá? ¿Cuantos años tiene?” A dad? How old´s he?

“Erm papa tiene más o menos cincuenta anos” Umm I’d say the pope’s got roughly 50 anuses

“Ok”

________________________________________________________________________________

“Perdon por mí español, debe ser mayor” Sorry about my Spanish, it should really be older

“Está bien amigo” Your Spanish is fine

“Ah gracías a Dios, estaba super embarazada antes” Oh thank God. I was super pregnant about it earlier

“Está bien” Really, it’s fine…

________________________________________________________________________________

“¿Tienes miedo de viajar solo?” You get scared traveling out here alone?

“Generalmente no señor pero si yo tengo mierda, tengo mis maneras de quitarla” Generally not sir, no, but if I have feces, I have my ways of getting rid of it

“Seguro, amigo” I’m sure you do

__________________________________________________________________________________

“Tengo caliente, ¿No te preocupas si yo abro la ventana?” I´m horny, mind if I open the window?

“¿Significas que tienes ‘calor’?” You mean you´re too ‘hot’?

“Sì, me avisas si yo te molesto” Yep, let me know if I’m molesting you

“Listo” Right

_______________________________________________________________________________

Looking back now, I’m starting to see why the journey took as long as it did!